Hi Ricki....this is good lyrical "theme"..i think their are some real nice lines in this write,so that in itself shows you are a "thinking writer"..as a demo it is not too bad...but it does require work on the melody..it kinda slips off the radar here and there if you get my drift..but i would put it under the "work in progress" category,,more dynamics in the melody to highlight the ..i need a reason..perhaps a subtle change in key to a minor chord..back to a major chord and so on and so forth..or slip up a key and slip back down..the permutations are endless..but something to "grab the lug" as they say over in these parts..but hey do not under any circumstance get downhearted..iam quite certain their is a real nice song just waiting it's turn to surface..from within you...i wish you all the best...Terry..

Last edited by Terry Moore; 05/27/09 09:59 PM.