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Bayside
by Gary E. Andrews - 09/16/26 01:51 AM
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Diverge
by Michael W. Brown - 09/14/26 03:50 PM
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Pictures
by CTthomas - 09/13/26 07:10 PM
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Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 784
Top 500 Poster
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Top 500 Poster
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 784 |
Hi Kim, I really liked these lines because I could connect to them:
We had a blast picking out the saddest
marked down Charlie Brown tree
‘Cause once we decorated it with love,
it was pretty as could be
Where I think you could be stronger is developing your hook some more, making the chorus stronger and more descriptive. As a reader/listener, I was left asking why? Why is the person not there anymore? Why did he/she leave? Death,, cheating/divorce, etc? I feel like you haven't told the whole story yet, ie more development with the details. Good start for sure, but I try and develop it even more. GL!
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"If you are stuck in your musical composing, be unreasonable. Change your environment. If you are stuck in your lyrical efforts, instead of forcing the same old words out, force yourself to do unreasonable things." -Brian Austin Whitney
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