JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback MP3 Feedback Forum Right Here On This Earth (Finally)

Hi Lynn

Thanks! Four times wow, you;ll catch me soon lol.

I have run this song past at least four or five songwriters and none of them brought up the points you did. I think all your points are very valid, and i;ll think about them for sure. My friend Brianna is most likely coming by tomorrow evening to give this a shot vocally. She is also a songwriter and I'll run this past her as well. Maybe have her sing two choruses one the original way and one with your suggestions.

Lets talk about them for a second

They're there if you hope

Makes total sense and fits the context no matter what we say before it good suggestion. What may have me uncertain is how it will sing, When I sing it the double They're there seems to come off with no hitch. Lets see when she sings it if it does. As long as it doesn't sound funny, because that's worse than ANY incorrect grammar or perspective when it comes to a song.
However getting that perfect middle for both is the thing to strive for.

They'll be three f us in the room tomorrow so deciding on how it sounds should be easy to figure out. GOOD idea!

"I believe they do"

That should sound fine... I do alot of internal rhyming and sound alikes as well. The "could" was a nice to my ear as sound similar to "occur" just the accent on the letter "C"
Then "could" as a false rhyme for "you" see by the time you get to "you" you've already been hooked and hit with more exact rhymes and better soundalikes, Also whenever i can I try to avoid direct rhymes, when possible, ya know, But use them plenty as well.

I NEVER want anyone to guess the next line or rhyme I'm gonna use
Just makes life harder for me but what else is new lol. I often do this especially in crucial spots.

Today I heard that old Hootie Blowfish mega hit, and just like the first time I heard it I cringed when he sings,
It's crazy but it's true, I only wanna be with you" lol

He writes it,it's a number one, WE write it it's toilet paper

Anyhow I can see some confusion if you read these lyrics, but not so much when you hear them. Although your direct approach and continuity may be perfect.. I'll check it out.
The lyrics is what stalled me on this song, foor all these years.

Title - "Miracles"

Never, ever,lol I already want to hang myself for evening using the word in a song or having a song about them lol. The fact that I NEVER had one in the past is the only reason i let this slide, and I thought my lyrical spin and approach in 80% of this was not redundant or over used or even ever used actually.

All except, "The one I found with you" the only thing worse would have been "The one I found IN you" Boy do i despise this line and If I could change one it would be that!!!! Tired!!

Right Here On This Earth - was the only other line I thought usable. If i could have thought of a title that was not included in the song I would have. But I'm terrible at that Alternative & rock bands are very good at that...

The Bridge - Ah my favorite design, I wouldn't change a thing in there, I love the playing of the double words - Time & Time - Day & Day
The meaning is perfect and the complete change up in meter and approach is what i strive for. Somebody will walk around singing that bridge and say which song is that from??? Just like I do when i hear ANY section of "My Girl" by the Temptations the parts are so different and they all stick in my head. And i always think there different Motown hits....

Sing em -

- "I got sunshine on a cloudy day
When it's cold outside
I got the month of May

- "I guess you'll say,what could make me feel this way"

- My girl,my girl,my girl
Talking bout my girl
My girl

All that said I'm still wide open for suggestions!

See how I torture myself? lol

Thanks Lynn sooooo much for this help, I will check that stuff out tomorrow nite for sure.
Great stuff Lynn I appreciate it.