Originally Posted by Vicarn
Hi Roy.

It has a workable melody but to be honest, I see too many lines that are either labored and wordy or seem to be there just to make the rhyme.
Do people still say "To keep the wolf away"?
You paint a picture of a hapless character and a depressing existence.
It needs an uplift somewhere which I thought kicked in with the opening of the chorus but then the chorus didn't follow through.
Maybe you could start by removing the word "Gone" to "Looking for" E.G:

"Looking for the Wonderland
I dreamt of as a child
Up there with a famous band
The fans are going wild"

That way he hasn't given up on his dream.

Vic


Thanks Vic for having another look.

I always like honest opinions and do appreciate your thoughts.

I actually saw it as someone still having hope in his life and dreams of what could be.

Maybe 'Looking' would be an alternative to 'Gone' but it is what it is and I wont be changing it at this stage.

Maybe in the future.

I actually do use "To keep the wolf away" quite often when telling someone I'm going to work lol. well I did before retiring..

thanks again friend

God Bless to all

Last edited by Roy Cooper; 08/13/19 05:22 AM.
'You Have To Kiss A Lot Of Frogs To Find A Prince'