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SHINE
by Rob B. - 08/20/26 05:03 AM
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Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 5,776 Likes: 24
Top 50 Poster
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Top 50 Poster
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 5,776 Likes: 24 |
Hi Ricki, Your lyric is good song poetry. The "drinking doesn't ease the pain" line/idea feels a little worn; I think there could be just a real succint image there, that shows the pain, instead. In the last line of each chorus, I think you could say simply "I need a reason", shifting the focus ever so slightly to the "overall reason" the singer dives into at the end. I think the chord structure and music and melody are all working together. You sounded a little unsure about a few notes. More singing will overcome this for sure. Overall very nice, this is the kind of writing and music that I really like. Lyrics reflective of inner states, yet very visual.  Mike
Last edited by Michael Zaneski; 05/23/09 07:30 PM.
Fate doesn't hang on a wrong or right choice
Fortune depends on the tone of your voice
-The Divine Comedy (Neil Hannon)
from the song "Songs of Love"
from the album "Casanova" (1996)
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