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Toxic
by Rob B. - 10/04/26 02:16 PM
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Afro Pop
by Raymond Byabazaire - 10/01/26 12:39 PM
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Afro Pop
by Raymond Byabazaire - 10/01/26 12:38 PM
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Gone
by Michael W. Brown - 09/30/26 07:17 PM
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Mara Cole
by Gary E. Andrews - 09/30/26 01:32 PM
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 945
Serious Contributor
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Serious Contributor
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 945 |
I like the orange version... not confusing at all for me anymore.
I wonder now, though, if the "lost in space" really fits, or if it feels too much like a filler just to make the rhyme?
Just a thought here... but maybe V2L4 "Of an unfinished race"--
Makes the rhyme, keeps the meaning... AND parallels to the "good fight" in V3 with (2 Timothy 4:7). Keeps the faith message subtle, but tight. That way, you are also not overusing "dreams".
In V4, personal preference is "There's more you can do", since you've already used "dreams" in this verse!
Nice writing here!
--Jen
The dictionary is the only place where success comes before work.--Mark Twain
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