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8 members (KyleCrawford, texritter, bennash, Michael W. Brown, Everett Adams, Raymond Byabazaire, Gary E. Andrews, 1 invisible),
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Afro Pop
by Raymond Byabazaire - 10/01/26 12:39 PM
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Afro Pop
by Raymond Byabazaire - 10/01/26 12:38 PM
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Gone
by Michael W. Brown - 09/30/26 07:17 PM
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Mara Cole
by Gary E. Andrews - 09/30/26 01:32 PM
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Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 395
Top 500 Poster
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Top 500 Poster
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 395 |
Hi Kaley,
First, I would like to thank you for listening and giving your thoughtful feedback.
I had stated in a previous response concerning the use of the word than in "Than swimming deep into your depths...". Maybe the line should not have been capitalized since it is not a separate line but the continuation of a thought process which happens to break at the spot where it appears to be grammatically incorrect to start a line with the word "Than". I never picked up on it since it is actually a one line thought.
The line you used as a suggestion is a good line and would work.
As far as the wording goes, I chose the words to convey the message of heat without being too repetitive, using slight variations as to not be stale.
Thanks again Kaley,
Danny
I don't want to sound obstinant or insolent. The wording was thought out before using it.
The heart has its reasons, of which reason knows nothing of." —Blaise Pascal, 1670
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