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TV Drama
by Raymond Byabazaire - 08/31/26 09:46 AM
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Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 7,386
Top 30 Poster
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Top 30 Poster
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 7,386 |
Hey Tom and Moker,
Ah, two of my favorite fellas, coming together at last!!
I enjoyed this one a lot...great music, terrific lyrics. I will concur with Mike about perhaps slowing it down some...I noticed around 2:23 Moker, you had to stop to catch your breath.... we don't want you hurting yourself for the sake of art!! Probably not a bad idea to cut back a bit on the lyrics, too, Tom.
Otherwise, you have some great visuals here.... it certainly seems there is something magical about WATER that lends itself so well for songs of love. This for instance is very pretty:
DANCE OUR LOVE ALONG THE SURFACE OF THIS RIVERS RAIN THAT IT MAY HEAL OUR HEARTS IN TIMES OF TROUBLE AND OF PAIN
If you're still receptive to comments, I did have two nits in the lyric:
Last line of V2, seems a bit yoda-speak....and since you hadn't brought up the image of "stones" before, it can also have sort of a crude connotation. Not sure that I have a reasonable alternative, but it did jump out at me.
Also, the use of the word "bounce" in line 2 of the chorus. It sounds a little "boing-boing" to me. Might you consider "reflect" (extra syllable, I know), or simply "send"?
All together, a fine collab. It has the definite feel of a movie soundtrack to me... moody in a good way.... and I wish you both much luck in finding it a good home!
Ciao for now, Beth
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