Originally Posted by couchgrouch
I was being sincere, my motive was only to give an honest, helpful critique. There needs to be a hint, a small one earlier in the lyric about the son's mindset to murder his own father. Songs aren't novels and it's legitimate to leave certain details to the listener's imagination. But that's too big to be the responsibility of the audience. That's where being a writer comes in. You have to be aware of what your project needs to reach its potential, then you have to buckle down and do it. It's hard.

The ending of this comes out of nowhere and is a deus ex machina. I'm not trying to be combative.


This is a story from the gunslinger's perspective. He wouldn't know anything about the son's mindset. IF in fact is WAS his son, he would not know until the moment it happened. So why should we? I truly do not get why you are so insistent that there must be a secondary storyline. This ISN'T a novel. This ISN'T a movie. What says there cannot be a shock/surprise ending to a song? And...AGAIN... I left the question open to begin with...