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Goin' Down to Poplar Drive
(c) 2009 words and music by Kevin Emmrich

http://soundclick.com/share?songid=6470939

Here goes, Kevin.


Music

The first thing I'd say is that the chorus is too similar to the verse, it doesn't "lift." Both the verse and the chorus melodies go 5 5 5 5 321. Maybe if the verse started 1 1 1 etc. (remember I'm talking melody not chords). The chords for the verse are 1 1 1 4 1 1 1 45 1 45 1 the chorus is almost identical, just ends 4 51 4 51. Then, for a demo, the lead is too long, a verse and a chorus. Long leads gets the cd player turned off. The bridge's basic rhythmic pattern is pretty similar to the chorus. Make sure each section has a distinctive rhythmic pattern.

Lyrics

Going Down to Poplar Drive
© Kevin Emmrich 2009


Driving around, the top’s flipped down
I got a feeling something big’s gonna happen

OK, generally watch those "feelings" but at least this sets up a question..."what?"
Everyone says there’s nothing to do in this town

A lot of of words, maybe something like "everyone says this is a boring old town."

But I know that just isn’t true
Cause I know what my baby and I are gonna do

We’re Going down to Poplar Drive
gonna take my girl along for a ride
Hair thrown back
and we’re feeling alive
we’re going down to Poplar Drive
going down to Poplar Drive

OK, we're not invested in "Poplar Drive" so far it's just a drive with the wind in her hair. It's a nice image, but nothing big has happened. Why is Poplar Drive so exciting?

Get to where we’re going and w're feeling so free

Again, watch those "feelings" I can't see a feeling. Feeling free is a very vague thing. It just doesn't excite.

I’m looking at her and she’s looking at me

Not much happening here. You could be looking at her braces, she could be looking at your zit.

We’re laughing at all those folks who say
that you gotta leave town to be cool

Why? What have you done that's cool other than drive and look at each other?

I guess we’re happy being fools, cause

What's making you happy? Just driving?


We’re Going down to Poplar Drive
gonna take my girl along for a ride

Here there's a slight crit, if "We" are going down to Poplar Drive and "you" are going to take your girl along for a ride, then are their three of you?

Hair thrown back
and we’re feeling alive
we’re going down to Poplar Drive
going down to Poplar Drive

Again, nothing really happening.

(Instrumental Break)

(Bridge) So it’s been 10 years and we’re still in this town
We’re still laughing, we haven’t forgot how

Why are you laughing? Why would you have forgotten?


I say “What do you want to do with the kids tonight?”
She’s just gives me that look and says “How about…”

Going down to Poplar Drive
gonna take my girls along for a ride
Hair thrown back
and we’re feeling alive
we’re going down to Poplar Drive
going down to Poplar Drive

This is nice, now you have a family going for a ride. But still, it's not enough to get the listener emotionally invested in the song. You're telling the listener "I like this, it's fun." But you don't say why or what you are doing that's fun. You could explore the simple pleasure of driving and wind in your hair, but that's been done many, many times. I keep wanting something new.

You need to make Poplar Drive so enticing and romantic that the listener wants to go for a drive there too.

It's not a bad song. In fact I'd say it's a good song, but you've got to step up a few notches.

Listen to today's hits from the genre toward which you are aiming. If it's country, listen to the country top forty. Listen to see how many change up from the verse to the chorus and the bridge, both musically and in meter. Check the word flow. Most will not have a lot of words crammed in to the point where you have to sing eighth note triplets in a song over 120 beats per minute. See how many have lyrics about specific things happening with action and plot. Count the active verbs, count the concrete images in a few of your favorite songs from this week's top forty. Remember, for any of these that were not written by the artist, I would safely say none of them had a long lead break in the demo.

You're writing well, better than most folks I've heard at writers' nights (and I've hosted writers' nights at over a dozen venues in Nashville, including Douglas Corner and the Hall of Fame Lounge). This is a good move toward a "door opener."