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John Selleck
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John,

Thanks for the submission. This was the kind of song where I listened once and didn't make notes or respond,then I went away from it for a few hours and came back to it again.
The chorus didn't burn itself into my head permanently but it did stay in there enough to make me think about the song and where I'd heard it. Meaning, it could have been the radio or TV.

I may need to come out of character here and be less of the person who does not care about you or your songs as all I do for a job is listen to songs... This will be a less professional letter so please bare with that.

I feel your very close here, the song is well crafted and has a good story. You developed that first verse very nicely.
The story was clearer to me on the second listen, that could be just me and my lack of sleep lol. But on the first listen I could feel and share your struggle with which title to choose. I do like the one you chose but yes the center focus of the song did a have a slight pull back & forth between "Teach Me To Pray" and "Mommy Needs A Miracle"

Also at first I lost you on the image of -

And please bring lots of presents
Cause I’ve been very good


I was thinking, why is he talking about Santa now instead of Jesus. Pretty shallow of me I know, but I can't help wonder if that might confuse the average listener as well.
But on the second listen I completely got it.

I think the listeners will get it and relate, and this is due to your chorus. It is always the hook that brings people in that's why it's called a hook

I'm not sure that last chorus with the changing of the words
worked for me, I think the story resolved but the melody and the musical moment just didn't deliver.

I almost wanted to get a little corny (that's fine it's Country Music)
And at the end of the bridge have that nice deep voice speak this line - "Mommy made it through the night"

Then leap in with the same chorus melody with a slightly different line. That is very tough spot to figure out. I could be wrong but what I heard and felt wasn't right.

On the bridge -
On the coming morn
She didn't look as tearful
Or sound so quite forlorn

Not sure, I have a hard time with words that sound poem orientated. Morn is tough but I can live with that, FORLORN eats at me. it's like STRIFE, words one should not put in popular song today.

I think this song is well worth more time and work invested into it.
I like the demo presentation overall it could use a bit more punch. The singer had a nice tone for this style and song. I would invest in at least auto tuning a few notes and lines.

Off hand these lines -

In between her cries
I listened to every word
As tears fell from her eyes

Also play with that chorus vocally, maybe even stronger backing vox or a touch higher/hotter lead note. You can feel it coming as the song moves and it does come but it can deliver even more and make it really hard for me to say No!

In conclusion this song flies with an already established artist.
In other words if it were THERE song. It is better than songs I have heard from Alan Jackson that were written by himself or some relative or friend. But may be a slightly tough bet for a breakthrough song. Very very close John.

1- Be solid on the last look draft of the overall lyric decide on the main focus, Teach Me How To Pray or Mommy's Miracle" angle
I like these lines
But this is more important
Than any of that stuff
I need the words to ask you
To make it mean enough

But right there is one of those small spots where you want to leave no doubt, or weakness, what is this song going for message wise. I lose sight of the struggle this little girl is having. I even lose sight that it is a little girl, it could only be me though, but focus gets shifted here perhaps.

2- That bridge, and it's set up of the last chorus. I lost the emotional impact of the song there. even lyrically it was layed out so that it seemed "Mommy got the miracle" so we can't sing
"mommy needs a miracle" anymore, which makes sense. Then it later says "mommy needs a miracle" So we altered and used the last chorus to help resolve the story line and lost some musical hook. But for what, if the lines revert back anyway. Not sure there. If your stuck this could be even really nailed down if you considered getting a collaborator of good caliber to come in and help you nail this to the wall. Work out a deal or something, with another good writer like yourself who has a handle on this style and genre.

3- Make the presentation even stronger, this is a good sounding demo but hey let the presentation help the song more. Professionals/ Artists are getting over that way on a daily basis lol. Make the vocal even better! Make tears fill the eyes of the listener musically... This way no matter what happens in the end you'll have a great product. Great sound and singing and playing are a HUGE persuasion when a song is close and hangs in the balance of being considered or placed on hol. Despite what ANYONE tells you. You can't mess much with human nature!

Feel free to re-submit this at anytime below is my personal code for submissions so when they arrive here they don't get lost or thrown directly into the garbage like 75% of what we get.
(Now that's real deal talk right there) LOL

Thanks John
Mr. Knowitall
Sublevel Music NYC