Originally Posted by Kimberlyinnc
Dear Mr. Mike,
I appreciate greatly your advice on the last song, Take Me Like a Man.

If you have time, I would be honored to hear your comments for this song, it is a co-write with Ms. Denise Vrana (BubblingSoul) with her vocals. It is an acoustic. It tied for first place in a online contest a few months ago. We had alot of fun collaborating together. The rule for the contest was to use the words "Trampled Roses" in the lyric.
Please let me know what you think of this song. If it is too short? Ready for pitch as acoustic?
Thank you again,
Sincerely,
Kimberly Hales Kime
http://soundclick.com/share?songid=7805475
Lyrics
Bedtime Stories and Lies Lyrics-Kime/Vrana
Vocals/Music-Vrana Guitar Warren Jurgens
V1
I know you think you have me with one little look,
And all the fairy tales you can fit in a book
You promise me the world with a white picket fence
But your sweet talk is nothing but pretend

CH
I've got trampled roses beneath my feet,
Cheap wine poured out in the sink
I've heard it all before from other guys
I dont buy anymore
And I won't fall for
Your bedtime stories and lies

V2 rise
You simply cant romance me with one little ring
Or convince me this is more than a summer fling
I am not foolish and surely not naive
You can keep your worthless, empty, cliched make-believe

CH

Bridge
I'm a woman made of flesh and bone
Not some two-bit princess,
I can make it on my own

CH


Tag-
I don't buy anymore
and I wont fall for
Your bedtime stories and lies



Kimberlyinnc
JPF Mp3 Boards




Dear Kimberly,

This was a pleasant listen. The acoustic was strong all in itself
and gave the song a great feel straight off.
I think this is a good "Artist" song, in other words a singer/songwriter song, where she performs it.
I have heard songs of this nature from many artists so it works in that regard. It's not so much a pitching song for mainly that reason.

As for the song in itself it had lots of good things going for it. I felt a bit "let off the hook" in the chorus personally.

After this section:

I've got trampled roses beneath my feet,
Cheap wine poured out in the sink
I've heard it all before from other guys

I really wanted to hear that wonderful meter again. That was very catchy and it just drifted away. I feel that would have made it more for that "Artist" we were talking about getting to have more public appeal. Think of "Shawn Colvin" She can do any kind of song she wants with any kind of subject matter or feel or arrangement, but it was "Sunny Came Home" that made that all possible. That song is is just flat out catchy especially the chorus.

Yes I think an acoustic version of this is fine, and a mellow minimum band version would be nice as well.
It's a good song, lots of great lines especially the first verse. If you were going for more "sell" I think a bit more work perhaps to the chorus and it becomes a really really good song. Definitely more easily memorable.

For pitching? Pitching with and as an artist is the best way to go.

Good Work, I did enjoy this.
Sincerely
Mr Knowitall
Sublevel Music NYC

Thanks!
Peace Mike
Sub

Music & Video's & Photo's
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=482602

Demo/Production & Music Services
http://www.substudiomusic.com