Originally Posted by Janice Hopkins
Hi there Mike,

Well....in the context of this thread and what you are trying to do for all of us here....could you check out Dance In The Rain (currently on this forum)? Here is a link to my soundclick. On that site you can hear both the original G/V and also the demo version. Thanks so much. Lyrics are on the song page on soundclick as well.

http://www.soundclick.com/janicehopkins

Jan



Janice Hopkins
JPF Mp3 Boards

Dear Janice,

Thanks for submitting "Dance In The Rain" I thought it was very well presented and the song had lots of strong elements going for it. The obstacle that I felt holding it back was something about it's arrangement. While the whole song was pleasing it felt too long before getting a hook into the listener.

Even though it was sung just fine, It seemed to be long-winded.
If I had the lyrics here I could almost make an appropriate edit using the words too show you more of what I mean.

Your very close with this, so understand perhaps somebody else
may think it fine as is.
I just felt that maybe the verse could have been shorter or your second part the pre-chous/chorus could have.

Just felt like it needed a better layout and use of your hooks, I never felt like I absorbed any lyric or melody in the pre-chorus/chorus section enough to really fully appreciate it.

I went back for a second listen as it was definitely worthy of another listen. Naturally it stuck a bit better the second time around. But still something about it seemed to run on, sections running into the other, more space melodically perhaps?

Do you feel what I'm feeling at all?

This was a very nice song, and i have heard ones like it become hits. So.... lets talk about it some more and also I'll think about it some more. I wanna see if any part of it pops up into my head later on when I'm not thinking about it.

Sincerely
Mr Know It All
Sublevel Music NYC
--------------------------------------------------------

Thanks!
Peace Mike
Sub

Music & Video's & Photo's
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=482602

Demo/Production & Music Services
http://www.substudiomusic.com