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Kimberlyinnic
JPF Mp3 Boards

Dear Kimberly,

Thanks for submitting. Listen to "Take Me Like A Man"
Good work here, I'm a bit indecisive about it at the moment. It has very good elements for pitching today, the feel and style work, the subject matter works and it' well arranged song wise.

I know it's a rough and a good one, also i can certainly here past that only, never assume anybody will. This song needs to be sung and sung big. The second time you did the chorus was a bit more effective if you have the means to cut and paste do it.
make sure that first chorus is every bit as present powerful.

In a song like this as in any song really how you present it is key. Use all the bait you can to hook the listener in. One thing is for certain I think the song is worth investing time,effort and money into.

There is a nice tiny resurgence of Pop stars female one
s doing more rock based edgier songs.
This could work as one with singer like Pink or other pop
artists as well.

I think were it may need a bit of help is in just making it a bit more effective lyrically in spots.
You have all the ingredients in this song you just need help tweaking it perhaps. Too many notes were out of pitch here so it hurt your melody.

Again it could be a lot in the way it's delivered, and the dynamics of the song in general. Mess with the melody a bit and maybe shorten a few phrases when they are singing. Less holding notes.

Maybe a bit more catch in that lyric
Take me like a man followed with a solid ending both singing wise and lyrically. Let the music stop for the last line with a sexy voice alone to carry the last line.

Take me like a man
Hungry for more
Take me like a man
Make my passions soar
Up above the clouds
Into outer space
Take me like a man

Or don't take me at all


Just and example... I know the other line makes sense and it rhymes but it doesn't POP!

Up above the clouds
Starts right here on the floor
Take me like a man
Or don't take me at all

Something like that, or that. But as effective sounding as you can be as well as lyrically. Your first verse had a a bit more bite than the chorus, keep it strong all the way.

Don't forget attitude is whats gonna sell this song. I have heard it done before, words that are sold to you by style.

Please feel free to re-submit this when it's totally ready. get help with it to give it what it's lacking, and build on the good stuff.
The code is 1864 so it will get right too me.

Nice work
Sincerely
Mr Knowitall
Sublevel NYC