Originally Posted by Ellen M
Yo Mr. K.,
I'm a sendin' you this lil' ol song o' mine fer yer listenin' pleasure. It features my mad skills on the geetar as well as some of my "down-home" hollerin'
Please let me know ahead of time which label wants to pick up my song, as I'll need time for the tattoo of their logo to heal before I land on the scene. I'm also missin' a front tooth and will need to borrow my cousin's if any close up shots are required.

Seriously Mike, here's maybe the third song I ever wrote, circa 2003, It's an upbeat and positive song....not my normal area of expertise. My husband always thought it was too long...but at least it's shorter than "American Pie"!
yerz, Ellen
thought I'd squeeze this one in before the deadline!

http://www.box.net/shared/ua9jrlg410

Writin My Own Rules

I.

a little child is wild and free
made up of individuality
until they become aware
of brand-name clothes and styles of hair
suddenly it aint okay just to be yourself
you pack up the real you
and hide it in a box on a closet shelf

II

.as a teen I tried to make the scene
by hangin with those gals
tryin out for cheerleading
anything to be their pal
what a mortifying mess
that turned out to be
cause in the garden of life, Im a thorny briar rose
what you get is what you see


CHORUS:

so I cut the cord, smash the mirror
step out of the box
dont you tell me Ive gotta be something that Im not
Ill step on a crack, break your mothers back
while wearing silly shoes
one thing you can count on
Im writin my own rules

III.

proper, proper, proper
was how I was raised to be
cross your legs, fold your hands
and place them gently on your knee
but I learned a different way
by calling my own shots
one, two, three get ready
Im pullin out all the stops


CHORUS

BRIDGE:

so dontcha try to fit into someone elses
idea of how to be
it wont fit right, itll be way too tight
way smaller than it needs to be


CHORUS



Ellen
JPF Mp3 Boards


Thanks for the second submission. Plain and simple, I liked it!
Not a hit radio song in humble opinion but a good one and good for film/TV placement certainly. This submission was much closer
first of all it felt real good. That's one thing a song can do that will always be effective.

The chorus stuck, very good work here. My only suggestion mainly would be to iron out the ends of the verses. It kind of goes out of meter and the phrasing feels a bit uncertain there. I don't mind a bit of a twist I encourage it, but it felt off a bit in those spots like it went out of the 4/4 beat but wasn't supposed to perhaps.

The bridge was okay but could have used a slight more of something there, in the melody perhaps. Just too be a bit more effective. But the change was good and the songs arrangement was fine.

If you can get this one tightened up a bit with a real solid recording it can be pitched for film placements. Get the vocals to really nail it down with dynamics, so this was a good vocal but don't be afraid to try others a s well. Vocal will sell it even more!
Enjoyed the style and I'm still humming the chorus.

If and when you re-submit the code is 1864 to get it straight to me.

Sincerely,good work
Mr Knowitall
Sublevel & Missinteethincorporated NYC

Thanks!
Peace Mike
Sub

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