Originally Posted by sharla
this is a more specific song, with alot of rhymes.
a happy song about a sad subject. more pop in nature.
( I have a feeling I know what you are going to say, but maybe I will be suprised)

http://www.sharlashore.com/music-13.html

The monkey song

Tell the monkey that the jungle is dead.
Tell the monkey that the jungle is dead.
Tell the monkey that the jungle is dead tonight.

Tell the lion that the forest is gone.
All the little bitty creatures have gone.
Tell the lion that the forest is gone tonight (tonight , tonight)

I just don't know and I don't understand, why we have to tear up this land. Tell the natives they have no more homes tonight. (tonight , tonight)

Tell the river that its source has run dry, no more rainfall coming down from the sky.
Tell the river that its source has run dry tonight. (tonight, tonight)


Tell the monkey that the jungle is dead, all the leaves and trees and flowers have fled.
Tell the monkey that the jungle is dead tonight. (tonight, tonight)

I just don't know and I don't understand, why we have to tear up this land.
Tell the natives they have no more homes tonight. (tonight, tonight)

Tell the monkey that the jungle is dead, tell the monkey that the jungle is dead, tell the monkey that the jungle is dead tonight

I just don't know and I don't understand,
Why we have to tear up this land.
Tell the people survivals at hand, its up to us too-
I just don't know and I don't understand, why we have to tear up this land
Tell the people survivals at hand, it's up to us too.
Tell the monkey that the jungle is dead,
Tell the monkey that the jungle is dead,
Tell the monkey that the jungle is dead tonight.



Sharla Shore
Mp3 Boards

Hi Sharla,

You are very persistent that is a good quality.
I'm pleased to say that "The Monkey Song" is the BEST submission you have made so far. See? What didn't you submit that first. It gives a much much better impression and shows wgat your capable of.
It was the most original song you sent, and it was the most musical. It really had a nice groove and it flowed steady and smooth. You should "soul" here and It was a pleasant listen.

Not a hit song but a good enjoyable one, because you could feel
it. The only thing I would look at to help make it even cooler is on the section

I just don't know and I don't understand, why we have to tear up this land. Tell the natives they have no more homes tonight. (tonight , tonight)

Maybe ever section does not have to end with "Tonight"
I know it's part of the hook but you use it so much the real "hook" would be not to use it.

Lyrically I would love it stopped on a new sound like this line
I just don't know and I don't understand, why we have to tear up this land.

Or do what needs to be done to have the best meter of phrasing
but let it sound different than the word "tonight"

Sharla, this is nice work, simple catchy and effective, with musical hooks as well as lyrical ones.
Make this the first song you show somebody when pitching for something.

Sincerely
Mr Knowitall
SublevelMusic

Thanks!
Peace Mike
Sub

Music & Video's & Photo's
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=482602

Demo/Production & Music Services
http://www.substudiomusic.com